January 2011
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I hope you enjoy this nifty, bendy little number and if you spot any mistakes,...
– Preface to the Paperback Edition, Tricks of the Mind (Derren Brown)
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Dad: “I went to the pub with Tom Baker once.” Me: “Wait. What.” Dad: “Yeah. He said, “EXCUSE ME WHERE’S A GOOD PLACE TO GET A PINT.” And I told him he could come with me if he wanted and he did, and my friend Pete said, “You’re Tom Baker! Doctor Who!” and Tom Baker shouted, “AH YES, EVERYONE CALLS ME DOCTOR WHO. HAH...
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[Frankie Boyle gets up from his seat and starts to walk away.]
Dara O'Briain: Okay, but there'll obviously be a pause here as Frankie fucks off.
Russell Howard: My name is not "off."
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Life is intrinsically, well, boring and dangerous at the same time. At any given...
– Edward Gorey
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fundamentalinterconnectedness replied to your post: Our school has organised a trip to go and see ‘Ghost Stories’.
Sneak onto the coach. I’m sure if you ask nicely and threaten them with a stick they’d let you.
THAT’S IT. THAT’S HAPPENING NOW.
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Our school has organised a trip to go and see...
A SCHOOL TRIP. TO SEE ‘GHOST STORIES’. AND IT’S NOT FOR OUR YEAR.
Do you think they’ll let me go anyway.
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If you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it, build a house. “Well, I...
– Mitch Hedberg
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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t...
– World’s Funniest Joke, apparently. (Based on a 1951 Goon show sketch by Spike Milligan)
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FUCK YEAH HORRIBLE HISTORIES WON
gooseandmooseandapplejuice:
MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY.
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The Baby
‘Remember to be on your best behaviour,’ says my wife, a little unnecessarily.
After what happened in the same place recently, I do not need reminding to be on my best behaviour. All I can think about is how I should be on my best behaviour.
We park outside our friend’s house and can already see them through the window. They’re everywhere.
Kids. Toddlers. Babies. Scampering about. Pushing each...
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